Positive hibernation

Ive been hibernating for a while and I would say now has been the best time to do that since the world cup is on. With the world cup being on it means no distractions I can really focus on what I am trying to achieve this year and in my life. Im not really a football fan so I really have no reason to watch the world cup, it actually bores me to be honest, for me to watch football I would need a whole lot of snacks and junk food to keep me focused lol.

In my hibernation time my mind has been like a yoyo, one day I am happy and full of life, the next day negative thoughts kick in. This all leads down to the goals I have set myself. I have set myself with a few goals this year and I am still yet to achieve a lot of them, I am so used to easily achieveing my goals very quickly and so now that it is not working that way I get frustrated. sometimes I even feel like giving up and when I try to confide in someone they have nothing but negative feedback that makes me feel a lot worse.

So I have kept myself away from people so that I can try and regain my positive thoughts and positive actions, Its like Im disconnecting with 1 network and joining another. By saying this I mean I am closing down everything that adds to my negative thoughts and embracing over powering positive energies. By doing this my mind is beginning to feel a lot more positive and I find myself feeling more self motivated.

I have been doing my regular exercise for an hour 3 times a day which I am really enjoying suprisingly. I have also taken up jogging early in the morning every saturday, I find when jogging its a change of scenery, I get to be around nature, breathe a different air and let go of all thoughts whether it be positive or negative. I have alo set up a step by step career plan! So for now I am working on those steps and doing my best to achieve them. To do this I have been going to the library to do research, read books that stimulate my mind and accessing courses on the internet. I feel I am going down the right track and I am coming to accept that I need to be a bit more patient, I need to take things step by step and stop thinking things will happen over night or less than a month. Some things just take time but If I work hard towards it, it will eventually happen. Theres no rush.

I find what has really helped me become more positive is angel cards, watching over 'the secret' and affirmations. I believe in God but I am definately more of a spiritual person, and I definately believe in angels especially after my recent experience. What I love about the angel cards is whatever feelings and thoughts I have, when ever I pick out an angel card the answer is always an answer to what I am thinking and feeling. Its like my angels are really with me daily and are answering me. I love watching the secret as it is very powerful and knowledgable stuff, its very motivating also. Everytime I watch it I automatically smile and feel that my life will get better everyday.

Affirmations are definately the key factor for me personally, I say them everyday and when I say them I have a great day, even when bad things happen. On a bad day I find a positive from it and see this as a lesson learnt. I have been listening to Louise Hay affirmations when I do feel low and listening to her words pick me right back up, her words give me reassurance and have helped me learn to enjoy life and myself more.

I am going to make sure I have pampering time for myself also during my hibernation period, so that means treating myself to foods I like, doing my nails, playing around with make up styles and trends, changing up my wardrobe style and my favourite movie nights in bed!

My morning daily affirmation that I feel everyone should say: I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy

x

women unite

Today has been a really good day for me, on the weekend I was inspired by a movie I went to see with some of my close female friends. We went to see sex and the city 2, I felt it could have been a lot better than what it was but still I enjoyed it. I personally loved the fact that it was about a group of women who were very close friends and done so much together. talked, laughed, travelled together and when in need of support they had each other. This made me wish so much that females everywhere can do this.

We live in a world where now adays females are not that supportive of one another, they compete instead. You always hear of friendships breaking up and I have experienced this many times myself due to friends insecurites, jealousy and competing. Instead of loving, praising and being supportive of one another we have to spot out the flaws within each other and make one feel low about this flaw. I do not agree with this way of life. I am a woman of colour and I am proud of where I come from and who I am. I accept all people of different race and have friends and family of different race who I love. Sometimes I wish women of all races would come together and just be happy around each other. It would be great if we came together so that we can fight back on all these sterotypes that we are given.

What some people fail to see is that women are put under so much pressure, were divided in to groups which goes by our shape, our race, our sexuality and so on. Because we are all being split up and put in to groups we are now under pressure to compete with one another. We see our differences more clearly and we also see our similarities, then we start to compare each other and wonder whose better. When reality is nobody is better we are equal. We all have flaws whether it be on the inside or outside.

As a woman of colour the sterotypes I am given I personally throw right back and do not recieve. I am now telling women do not accept the sterotype people try to give you, the people sterotyping are ignorant and arrogant, that's all negative energy that you do not need in your life. I am not sayying you should fight with violence I am saying walk away from it, do not argue with them as you will be wasting your time and breath on someone who is so stuck in their ignorant ways that their mind will never change. They have a vision of you but their vision is correct, they do not shape you as a person or your life, you do!

because I am a woman of colour, people tend to say that I should be loud, rude, aggressive, feisty, non appreciative of the men in my life, I like to fight, have an attitude and a whole lot more negative attributes. My argument to this is these words are a description, a description of someones character. Not everyone has the same character we are all different! but may have some similarities. If you have been hurt or affected by a woman of colour what you ned to realise and accept is that it was the womans character or what she done in a situation that hurt you, not a black woman or black women. Do not blame it on her race, it was her character, do not judge every other woman of colour for her behaviour. What she done was not their fault or mine. And that goes for every woman you judge by their colour whether they be asian, white, mixed or black. It annoys me when people bring colour in to everything, this is why women struggle to come together and just be happy, were constantly being divided. Its not fair and its not right!

The amount of times people will say your not really like other black girls are you, that in itself is extremely annoying and I find offensive. I am human, I am quite a patient, happy and relaxed person but that is my character. But of course being human there are times I do get angry and may cry or shout, everyone does. If you have emotions bottled up you have to let it out before you drive yourelf crazy. Every woman does this just like every man does, its got nothing to do with colour!

Why do women have to worry about their size? colour? hair? we should'nt have to go through all of that in life, we just want happiness! is that so hard to ask for??!!.
I am quite petite all over and I can laugh with my friends and say "I wish I had your big boobs or I wish I had your big bum and thighs!", because they have great big boobs and bums! butsaying that I love and accept my body lol, I think the human body is a beautiful thing and there is no such thing as the perfect body. Women should embrace and love their bodies, instead of judging and competing with other women pay them a compliment. This is a nice way to start a new positive friendship, we all love compliments!

I love being around women who are bigger than me, smaller than me, darker than me, lighter than me, taller than me, shorter than me it shows diversity, and I love being in diverse groups. Its nice to know that I am being accepted for who I am and not what I am and vice versa. Erase the colour of my skin and I am still a woman just like every other woman. We may not be the same size, race, religion etc but we all deserve to be accepted and loved. I love accept and approve of myself, and to the women out there I love, accept and approve of you.

Love one another and support one another so we can beat all the negativity the media and society are trying to put in our lives!

x

touched by an angel

The past few days I had been feeling a little down, a little frustrated and a bit angry at myself. When I set myself a goal, I work extremely hard to achieve it!, this year I have set myself goals and I am finding some of them very hard to achieve. From this I become very frustrated and start to really get angry with myself, I feel I am becoming too much of a perfectionist and so If things do not go to plan I start to panic, then from panic leads to frustration, then from frustration Im not happy with myself. I really beat myself down when things do not go the way they should.

Ive also found myself feeling rather irritated and I have to control myself from snapping at people. It's not so much people irritating me, its my own self, my thoughts and feelings. I feel my career getting very close to me but yet its a distance away. Its like having a floating clear ball right before your eyes and you try to take it, but everytime you try to grab it, it moves backwards away from you. This is very frustrating in itself but when you have people that are looking at you and competing with you, that is very very frustrating. I am not one to compete with people, I am supportive of others and feel proud of the work that I have done. So I never quite understand why some people would look at me as competition, competition for what?, my life is not based on a race, I live everyday as it comes. I never usually let things like this get to me but then negatives thoughts will kick in which causes me to become irritated and I have to really erase these thoughts from my mind as I know negativity will bring my energy levels down.

to add to my irritation, I kind of let myself down for one that I really care about. My arms and heart are open to this person but I am still unaware/not sure if the same thing applies to me. Remember a few blogs back I told you I had picked up the courage to tell someone how I felt about them? but they never really answered? especially in the way I would have liked them too......well now were in the month of june and there is still a question mark on that, does this mean rejection? does it mean their not ready? does it mean their thinking about it? what does a blank statement mean?. I still find myself being loving and caring towards this person because these are the feelings that I have for them but could I be doing this all in vain?

with all this playing on my mind, yesterday when I got home I decided I really needed to clear my mind and what better way to do it than listen to some mellow inspiring soul music. While listening to the music I danced around my room singing along to the songs, my mind eventually felt a lot lighter and I felt happier, more relaxed and at peace. I was able to have a peaceful yet short sleep. This morning I woke up suddenly around 4.15 am, I was wide awake and felt amazing. I really believe I was touched by angel, a voice told me to keep smiling, let go of all fear and doubt, everything is going to be okay. Enjoy the days of my life and wonderful things will come to me, I should hold on to love, believe and have faith in everything I aspire to be and do then watch things unfold, great things are going to happen for me but I need to remain having faith, do not give up.

Some people may think Im crazy and made this up myself but to be honest It doesnt really matter what they think or say! This is what actually happened early this morning, Im amazed by it and it is a precious moment in my life which I will never forget, the experience really opened my eyes, the 1st thing I done was said my daily affirmations and meditated to some tranquil ocean music, my heart began to feel warmer and warmer and I could feel a rush of energy and happiness that now I cant stop smiling. After this I went down made myself a nice breakfast, and immediatey a song came to mind which I played out loud! the song was Goapele 'closer', it will be my song for the month. Im now ready to do an hour workout and then I am going to take a long walk in the park which I never really do. Something keeps telling me to make sure I go for a walk whether it rains or not.

I believe my prayers are being answered and I feel very blessed

x

What next?

Today is a beautiful day and I am indoors trying to see the positive within a negative situation.

Yesterday I was extremely frustrated and almost lost hope, I came in to work to find out that they will be closing down at the end of June and so I no longer will be working there. At first I was cursing in my head because to be honest the first few things I was thinking about was my finances and the fact that it is quite hard to get jobs at the moment. I work at a job that does not pay too well as it is and for the work I do they should really pay much more! but saying that remember I told you they mess me about a lot so lets just say my recieved finances are crap.

It took me a few minutes to realise that this is actually what I wanted!, I have been so miserable in my job and I wanted to get away from it, I wanted to get away from that whole field of work and right before my eyes it is happening. I have prayed to God to release me from this field of work and guide me in the direction of the career that I want. Could this possibly be God answering my prayers??? I believe he really did!

Now that the door will be closing on that field of work I am waiting for the right doors to open. The question is How do I find that door or doors? where do I go? how do I start?, this is where I really need help and guidance. Changing your career is not as easy as some people think it is, you have to be prepared for rejection and we all know to be rejected is a horrible feeling. You also need to take in to account that you may not have much experience within this new field or the qualifactions which give some employers a reason to say no.

Recently I sent through an application and recieved a response telling me I was unsuccessful, so I messaged the company back to ask why I was unsuccessful so I know where to go back and improve on. Funny enough I did not get a response, to be honest I believe I may know the main reason but I could be wrong. With this application you had to send pictures of yourself, to some people especially in the UK my look is not classed as feminine or beautiful or sexy or appealing. To them it is intimidating, rebellious and african inspired which they do not see as diverse or appealing to the eye, Living in the UK the european look is what people want. I have accepted that this is how some people are in this world, very judgemental and dont believe in change or giving people chances but that is their error. If we all looked the same there would be no such thing as diverse or versatile. The positive within this negative is whenever you are unsuccessful find out why, if they respond you have recieved some tips on what to improve on. this is the next step to getting that career you want.

I also strongly believe that there are people in this world who are more accepting of different looks and accept people with less experience or qualifications. Some employers are aware that this is how people grow and develop within their careers. We all have to start from small to make it big, my inspirations when it comes to career are richard branson, tyra banks and oprah. They started out small and have made it very big and I believe we can all do the same if we put are all in to it and do not let the word NO stop us. I no longer take rejection as rejection I see it as that was not the job for me and something better is waiting for me.

I watch and enjoy reality shows but noticed that a lot of people aspire to be like the characters in the shows, what they seem to forget is these people have been helped by someone with a very wealthy background eg their partner or parents. they were brought up in wealth, whereas a lot of us havent so how can we live that lifestyle when we are no where near that wealth????

To be honest yes I would like to be wealthy but I do not think about wealth too much I am very passionate about the career I want! I know If I get this career I will put my all in to it and enjoy it as It is something I have wanted for many years. Wealth will come but when It does I dont see myself shopping in very expensive shops just to get a piece of clothing with a brand name. I would buy a family home, travel around the world with family and friends, set up play and education camps in africa for homeless children and save for my childrens future.

So what next? how do I make this happen?. This is my theory on the path that you take through life. When walking down a path there are different levels on each level there are a a few doors. We get to choose a door to go through, the door can either be good for us or not so good. If you go through a good door you have accomplished that level and are walking down the path that is right for you and on to another set of doors. If you went through a door that is not so good, do not beat yourself up about it, that door shall be closed and you try another door, one of those doors will be the right door for you.

Some things come quicker for other people and so I am learning not to focus on that and to remain focused on my path. I am going to take 1 step at a time and work hard towards achieveing my career goals, when help is needed I will ask for help as I know sometimes you cant do everything yourself. Some things we know and some things we dont, so why not ask someone who does know?

x

Career dazed

Yesterday I attended the Mind, body and spirit festival and came out feeling very inspired but at the same time it made me stop and think about a few things within my life. There were plenty of informative workshops in which good advice was given, it aimed at our well being, health, relationships and our future. The atmosphere was very positive and calming. I felt very calm, happy and relaxed, it was also nice to see so many people at the festival looking and learning to self develop. I feel I am on the right track when it comes to my health, well being and friendships but there is 1 thing I do think about a lot.

The main thing that comes to my mind is my career as right about now my career has a question mark with arrows beside it. One of the arrows tells me to go for the job that I want with all my heart which I will enjoy and the other arrow tells me to go for a job that Im good at and pays well, so which path do I choose?. There are so many great jobs and opportunities out there and I want a lot of them but I know having all of them is not realistic.

Sometimes I think about going to another country and working out there, if I enjoy it then I can live out there permanantly, but is that what I really want? am I ready to leave my life in the UK? am I ready to leave my family and friends? and once again is this what I really want???

My current work is very rewardable but It is not what I see myself doing in years to come and I always come back home thinking and believeing I should be doing something else, something that I love. There are times I get very frustrated with my job as It doesnt fufill me, its not where my heart lies and recently I have been messed around a lot. My job is not as easy as people think it is, you have to have A LOT of patience and be a very calming person. I am beginning to feel that my time is up within that job field and Im ready to move to something completely different. With all the mishaps happening at work I believe it is a sign for me that a career change is in order, but what shall I do career wise? Like I said there is so much that I want to do.

Today I have been sitting and thinking about my career once again and I have come to accept that I need to be true to myself and find out what it is that I really want to do and why I want to do it, then I need to ask myself do I believe I can achieve getting this job and will I actually enjoy it. With these questions pondering in my head I decided to give my mind a break from the career thoughts and go through some of the leaflets I recieved at the festival, all of a sudden I began to have a great sense of faith in myself and felt the need to look back at all my past achievements. Looking at them I felt proud, some of the things I wouldnt think to do now I had done before and achieved in all of them. I could see what I am skilled and talented at and what I have improved on and what still needs improving.

I decided to really look within myself and say out loud what I want to be doing and how I want to be living in 5 years time relationship wise, financially, career wise, life style and other (meaning housing, driving etc). With doing this I decided to put this on paper and turn it in to an action plan.

So I got a big piece of A3 paper and set myself goals for this year, my next step is to research everything I have written down and every 2 weeks check on my progression. I have got a little notepad to put down what research I have done, the evidence and what the results were that way I know I am definately working towards my goal and I am on the right track. For now I am focusing on the career area as it plays an important role in my life.

In 5 years time I would like to know that I have a stable and enjoyable career and If I want that to really happen I need to work towards it now! now is the best time. If I do not take action and only say what I want nothing will get done, I will not achieve my goals. I refuse to have a life where in 5 years I am a miserable woman because I did not go for the career I wanted with a passion. So for now I am on a mission! I will not stop untill the mission is achieved and once the mission is achieved I will know for definite that when you put your mind and energy in to something your passionate about you recieve it, you live it.

Just like the secret tells us "ask, belive, recieve"

x

Support system

This month has been full of family and friend events, usually I budget my money monthly and try not to over spend but this month I have dished out money with no complaints as what the money went towards was worth it. I have had the chance to go to theatre, dinners, private event nights and family occasions which has been full of fun and laughter. During this time I have learnt that supporting your friends and family is very important and is a very loving gesture, it shows that person that you care about them and believe in them. Its good to have a support system in your life as it makes you feel stronger within yourself, you also get a great sense of pride that gives you confidence from knowing that you have people in your life who support you.

At times people may not do this for you and I know its annoying and hurtful but I believe that you should treat people how you want to be treated, and the first step is love. Show love in different ways, supporting others is a great way to show love especially the ones you care about. For some people it may take a day, week, months or years to return the gesture, for some they will not at all but I have learnt not to let that affect me as I know that one day I will be rewarded for the love I share and there will be people who have seen the way I support others and will learn to do the same. Not only do we learn from our pasts, we learn from others and If I can teach people to support others then that is a good sign.

I never used to make much time to go to friends and family events either because I had so much work to do or I was tired, I never realised that my presence actually meant alot to them and from me being there would make them feel more at ease and more confident. It only hit me yesterday on why some of my friends would not be too happy with me after one of their events for not attending. I have to admit I do not attend all events but I do my best to attend some of them and when I do this its to show I care and I am proud of them.

It has been so great seeing my cousin perform in theatre as it was something I never expected her to do, the play was enjoyable and she played her character well. The best thing about it was feeling proud of my cousin for achieving her goal within acting and It was nice to be there to witness this and show her support. There was a big audience and It must have taken a lot of courage to stand on stage in front of so many people and perform for a few hours. But the job was done well and I am glad I was apart of the experience. I have also attended dinner events that friends have put so much effort in to from picking a lovely restaraunt, to finding a date that everyone can attend to making sure the food and comany was 5 star service. I know that most times organising an event can be very stressful as you are aiming to please others and sometimes pleasing others is not easy at all! the event may not be to your standards but you have to be grateful that you were thought of when you recieved an invitation and for the effort that was put in to organising the event.

I also found myself doing voluntary work for a cousin at a birthday event which was very tiring but enjoyable as I got to share the moment with my sister. I have not done voluntary work in a very long time even for friends but I knew that my cousin needed the help and support and I was more than willing to get involved. Although the job may have looked easy it was not at all, dealing with 100 and more people face to face can be very draining but I could see clearly why he needed the help, he was doing so much on the night and It must have taken him some time to organise the whole event. I knew me being there and helping out showed that not only do I support what he does it also shows that he has a friend in me. In life we all need a helping hand once in a while and when hands join we become strong we become a support system which is unbreakable

x

The special one

I am now in a relationship and I am very excited and happy about it. It has been a very long time since I have been in a relationship and I believe the person I am in a relationship with is thee special one, the one who deserves all my love, the one who will recieve alot of my time, that special one is ME!

I have been single for quite some time although I have dated, but when I dated I never really felt comfortable. I found myself searching for love within all the wrong people and I was going about it the wrong way. I would end up feeling like I was not good enough or there was something wrong with me. It took me quite some time to realise and accept that yes there was something major wrong with me. that something major was I never loved the one person who I should love, myself.

Ive recently taken a step back from a lot of friendships and have made more time for myself. I have started to pamper myself with facials, manicures, pedicures, aromatherapy showers etc. Im doing some of the stuff that we like to do in relationships like treating myself to dinners, movie nights and shopping, while doing this Im learning more about myself. Im learning what I am like, what my strong points are and what needs improvement, I am growing as a person and becoming more self confident.

For the 1st time in my life I can actually say I am really content within myself. I feel much healthier due to my healthy eating plan and new fitness regime, I am loving my body it is in the best shape ever at the moment and I plan to keep it this way. I feel more sexy within myself and I am really loving my mind. I have learnt to express myself, I have learnt to step out of my comfort zone and try something new, I have learnt to take better care of myself, I have learnt to believe and have faith in myself and Im learning to be happy as 1 person.

I dont need anyone to define me or make me feel special, I now know my worth and I deserve the best, I am special and I deserve special treatment and so I will be the one to treat myself the way I deserve to be treated. I have learnt when you love yourself it shows and people want to be around that love. Self love attracts others as you are constantly radiating love. Before you can love anyone else you need to love yourself. I find that since I have learnt about self love and I am living by it, I am attracting happy loving people in my life and It makes me feel good as we share our happiness. I smile a lot more than I used to, I look forward to me time and I am comfortable within my own company.

Loving myself is definately opening the right doors for me and I can see things a lot clearer now. I feel myself really growing as a woman and embracing the power of a woman. I feel the only way is up for me as I learn something new about myself every day, whether it be good or bad. If it is good I praise it, if it is bad I look in to it and work out how I can change this for the better. I believe being in a relationship with myself will really help me for when I do find a partner and settle down as i will be more positive in mind, more loving, happy and willing to share this with my partner. This will be a journey to a beautiful partnership.

x