Good deeds

So the past few days have been very eventful, its been up and down. Ive created myself a budget plan which means for the next few months I have to be very tight with the money I have. I will put a little aside for treats and going out but a majority of it has to go to paying the bills on time, and going in to my savers account.

I remember when my mom would give me pocket money and used to tell me to SAVE SAVE SAVE, I used to think she was crazy and would run to the shops and buy junk food, clothes etc etc. But now that I am older and have struggled through the recession I understand why she said SAVE!

So I am listening to her exact words and I am going to save! but I have set myself a target to pay my mom back for my netbook, my carnival costume (yes I will be on a float for carnival! eek excitement. MANGROVE to be exact) and finally paying off the 1 bill that has been giving me headache! I beieve I am going to achieve this target and I shall.

To start off my week I have been going through my wardrobe and sorting out clothes, all the clothes I do not want I washed and have put in a big bag to give to charity. I am still deciding If I should give it to charity or a hostel for people that have not many clothes etc. All the clothes I am giving away are in very good condition and there are a few designers. It has been so hard parting with some of the clothes as they were either expensive or clothes that I love! but the truth is they do not fit anymore and someone that really needs them deserves to have them.

My second good deed of the week is yesterday a mouse ran in to our front room and something fell on it which killed it :(
My family are not too keen on mice, cats and dogs so to see a mouse in in the front room caused a lot of screams. It was actually quite funny! My mother called me downstairs to get rid of it, as Im the animal lover in the house of course I would do that but at the same time, the fact that it is an animal I felt a bit queazy. Seeing a dead animal or an animal that is hurt always makes me feel uneasy but I had to be brave. So I picked it up slowly with a shovel and placed it on tissue in an old shoe box and took it out to bury it.

Some people may think thats stupid or disgusting but what they need to remember is that, that animal is a life too! If you were dead lying on the ground would you want people to just leave you there? or kick you to a corner? no! you would want to be buried nicely also so that is what I done for that mouse.

And to be honest from these 2 good deeds I feel a bit happier within myself, I have helped an animal one of Gods creatures and I am helping people who need love and support. So go me!

x

Natural beauty

Yesterday morning I was in lazy mode, just woken up and was lying in bed when the doorbell kept ringing. I was cursing non stop as it was 8am and I was extremely tired. I raced down the stairs remembering I was told an important delivery was coming, I opened the door recieved the heavy box and the courier said to me "oh my gosh you are so beautiful, you should be in britains next top model", now I had to be polite smile and say thank you but really in my head I was thinking is he high?! I have just woken up and I feel like crap. At first I just let what he said go and went straight to the bathroom to sort myself out, usually when I wake up I do not look in the mirror I do that after I shower, brush my teeth, moisturise and am fully dressed. Out of curiosity I decided to look in the mirror and try and see what he was talking about. Personally I think I looked how I look every day of my life natural. The odd notorious spot or 2, dark circled eyes, pale face that is in need of sun, he calls this britains next top model quality? I wouldnt say britains next top model quality, I say its natural beauty. I have become more confident with my natural look and am not ashamed to show what I look like naturally. I love my natural look.

I love make up but only when I go out to parties which is very irregular. On a daily basis I like to be natural, vaseline is the only thing I use and that is so my lips do not dry out. I have always been comfortable being natural but I cant help but notice how many women look at it as ugly and embarrassing!

Speaking to some of my friends I find it quite strange that none of them will step out of their house without make up, not even to the corner shop!, I find applying make up takes a bit of time and is not worth it just to go and get milk from the corner shop. I have eczema and so If I wear make up for a long time my skin gets very irritable so I just leave the make up alone.

On the other side I find many women wanting to look as stunning as celebs which has driven them to invest a lot of money in to hair, clothes and make up, once again that is something I shant be doing. I like the simple elegant look and plus I do not have the money that some of these celebs have. If I did I'd be spending it on holidays with my family and friends. I look at some of my cousins and friends and think their crazy when I see them wearing high heels on a daily basis, flawless make up, hair freshly styled, best clothing on. They must be suffering with a few bunions, corns, sore feet, breakout of spots and so on. Theres nothing wrong with making an effort but I cant help but wonder how many hours a day does it take for them to have the perfect look. Does your body and skin not get tired of it? Is having the perfect look really worth it?

People forget that celebrities have a lot of help to gain the perfect look, they have hair stylists, make up artists, wardrobe stylists, nutrionist, surgeons, personal trainer and the list goes on. The amount of money they spend just on their appearance must be a huge sum! the perfect look never lasts long, strip all the make up off, the clothes, the hair and their normal girls like you and me.

I find it so strange when a celeb is spotted without make up that they get a hard time for it, do people think they look like barbie dolls everyday?, I look at these celebs with their flaws and still see beauty. Looking at them naturally is like looking at myself naturally. I find walking outside without make up I feel free, its a great feeling.

I love the way I look naturally and I wish all women felt the same about themselves, If you wear make up just to impress a man, you need to remember when you do get him he is going to eventually see you without all the glitz and glamour so you might aswell show him from the beginning what you really look like. Some women need to understand not every man is attracted to the fake look they are aware that it is all a mask and not real. And to be honest I believe you should look and feel beautiful for yourself not for anyone else

x

"NEW"

I am really excited this week and I am hoping and praying the excitement remains till the end of the year!

When the new moon was approaching I decided to pick out an angel card for the next 6 months which I call my new moon card. My card was "New love", I was very happy when I got this card as I am searching for my soulmate. I am ready to settle down and have a family of my own. All my loved ones seem to be getting married, having babies or moving in with their partners which has really inspired me and made me want these things in my life even more. With my new moon card I set myself new goals which is part of my new beginning. So far I have achieved some of the goals and I am so happy about this!

Firstly last year I was telling my sisters how much I wanted to change my fashion style. I wanted to have a bit of a mature look yet something stylish and sexy. So with the little temp jobs I have been doing this year when I got paid I would head out to the shops and markets like portabello and purchase some bargains. I also keep a lot of my old clothes that still fit as fashion always repeats itself! Now when I look in my wardrobe I am loving what I see! the bags, shoes, accessories, dresses, jackets. I feel like I have accomplished my new fashion style. There is only 1 thing missing from that but Im working on it.

Although I have been financially struggling miracles really have been happening in my life. Strangely I have only been able to see them clearly this year, could it because I am more spiritually enlightened now than I have ever been?
My laptop, my dear old friend was battered, bruised and dying! It was an old packard bell and I did not want to let go of it as it has so many pictures, videos, work files of mine on there. It holds great memories for me and so letting it go was a no no! I even used celotape to hold the screen together. Yes I know some of you are laughing and I am too the shame haha. It is not until my battery would only last 7 minutes without the charger and kept freezing I accepted and decided it needs to be put to rest. So sadly on 06/08/2010 my dear old friend was boxed up and put away. I knew it was time to get a new laptop but with what funds???, I had been looking for a mini laptop that I can carry around with me so I can do work on the go but also had some little fun things to it like skype, msn, games, pictures and music. I am a SATC fan and in SATC2 I couldnt help but notice the vivienne tam hp mini netbook and I am telling you my heart stopped, I wanted it! it was soooo cute. I got on the internet and done a bit of research on it and I decided I wanted it but problem is I had no money to buy it!. I was on the phone communicating with 2 of my good friends and 1 of them had purchased the netbook, that was my sign that I had to get it.
Funny enough my mom approached me the day after and said I would need a laptop to do some work and apply for jobs and so she is going to get me a laptop of my choice, once I get a job I will have to pay her back. I almost cried! my mother knows how hard I have been working towards getting a great job and would often tell me to take breaks before I end up having a breakdown. I know that she really wants me to get a great job and to offer to buy me the laptop I was so thankeful and I still am. Sooooo I currently have the butterfly vivienne tam netbook and I am loving it! my mother got the pink chinese one and together were working it all out, its been so much fun. Just through these netbooks me and my mom are really bonding.

My next new thing is the HTC desire! my current phone has been headache and I have wanted to get rid of it for months! but due to the contract that was not possible so I have waited and waited for my upgrade and it has finally happened. I have had my eyes set on the HTC for a very long time and so now that I am getting it I am more than happy.

My new start is really happening with a bang! and I am for once in my life really really happy. I believe when I really want something and I focus on it, God sends a miracle. I feel very blessed and Grateful to have God in my life. New moon, new beginning, new laptop, new phone and now Im praying for new job, new career and finally NEW LOVE
x

what to do? what to do?

So its just the 1st week in to this month and I am beginning to panic and worry as my finances are really decreasing! It really sucks being unemployed. The recruitment agencies I have joined have not yet contacted me with any work and when I did call them to check if any work had come through I recieved the same response they were unaware that I was not working, is that a joke?????!!!!, I call them every week with the same question "is there any work available", sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no. My words of advice never rely on recruitment aencies, get out there and find a permanent job at least you know it will be more stable.I have also been handing out my cv to a few places and to top it off sitting in front of my computer for hours filling out LONG application forms. I know I should not complain as I have been able to do a bit of work this year and there are people still struggling to get a days work. I am hoping things turn around for me and I do find something that I will enjoy. I have been quite lucky and just had 2 interviews! Some people may think only 2 interviews???!!! but what they need to understand is so many people are losing their jobs and to get the 1 interview is a miracle now adays!

Im hoping from these interviews I get a positive result! so that I can scream out "I am finally employed again!!!! woohoo!" haha.

It is stressful having little money and having to drastically budget your money as bills come along, paying for transport, food etc etc. You end up cuting out your social life, your unable to treat yourself or buy some of the things you actually need. I have set myself financial targets this year and due to not having a stable job I have not yet achieved them which is a big dissapointment for me. I keep saying to myself I should not be so hard on myself, I did not plan any of this, I was not aware that I would be made redundant. All I can do for now is keep job hunting.

I will admit the job hunt has been harder for me as I have decided to change my career and get in to something I really enjoy, something that I am passionate about and want to progress in. Within this field I have applied to so many places and it really does annoy me when you get no response. Now adays employers arent so professional or shall I say respectful to job seekers, you can apply for a job and never hear from them. It would be nice if you got a message saying you have been successful or unsuccessful, I personally would appreciate that more than being ignored. Sometimes you do not know if they have recieved you cv, sometimes you call and you are told you will get a call back and gues what???? you never get that call back.

I feel like I am walking on pebbles at the moment and would like to be walking on a smooth road, but the only way to do this is to make drastic changes, and that could mean letting go of one of my passions, something I believed I would do careerwise. This may be the wrong or right choice I do not know, but I know for now the only way for my financial status to improve is to work long hours or more days. Im still thinking about this.........Its times like this that I need a sign, a miracle or someone/something to appear in my life and guide me in the right direction. It is time to re-evaluate this year so far, what I have achieved, what I have not, what needs improvement and what needs to change.

What to do? what to do????

Every day we learn

I have not written a blog in a while and I have neglected my personal diary which is not healthy as I have a lot on my mind and need to release it before I explode. There is a lot that I have learnt the past few weeks, some from good situations and some from bad situations. But 1 thing I have really accepted and learnt is that where there is a negative there is a positive. within a negative situation you can find a positive.

So here goes.........

Well to start off with I have not had a steady job in a while and this is not by choice!, It just happens that I get settled in to a company and due to the lack of funding they either close down or they have to let a lot of people go, unfortunately I am 1 of those people. It has been very hard for me as I am so used to getting a fair flow of income coming in and I have had to deal with minimum income. It has been a bit hard as there is a lot that I need/ want and to gain these things I really need a decent amount of money coming in. I am not going to complain as I have been able to survive this year, I have managed to buy some of the little things that I want and go to some places which will be memorable. Also I know there are people with no form of income coming through and they are really struggling. My heart goes out to them as it is not easy, but what I must say is that the small time I have worked within these companies I have really enjoyed myself! I have never been in a work field which I have enjoyed with a passion!. the work staff were great, clients were lovely, the job itself was fun and really enjoyable. This is all down to me stating to an agency I applied to what I want to do and what I amnot comfortable doing. I believe you should do a job you enjoy so that your stress levels are non existent.
The great thing that has come out of this is I am looking for a career change and have been applying for jobs within the fields I am interested in, I have had an interview with 1 place that I feel I will work well in so we shall see. hopefully I get it! If not I will keep applying to jobs of my interest as I know I will get 1 of them and who knows it could be the right one forme! :)

Moving on to LOVE, well what can I say I did not get the response I wanted from the guy I liked, in fact how we felt about each other was completely different. I am going to be honest and say yes it really hurt and I was really upset about it, I felt like I had been led on but funny enough I am not hurting anymore. I will remain being nice to him and class him still as a friend but I know from how he feels I will not be taken advantage of, Sometimes when you express your feelings to someone they feel they can play mind games with you as you are some what naive and vulnerable due to your strong feelings for them. Its almost like they feel if they say jump you will, I am strong enough to say NO! and this is what I have done, I have said NO! I want to be respected, appreciated and loved and I believe I deserve this. If we are not meant to be I have to release my feelings for him so that I am able to embrace love for my real soulmate who is out there and I believe getting closer to me. For now I think we are friends, I will always care about him and have love for him but thats how far it goes.

Friendships???, this has been a mind boggle for me as this year I have been learning who my friends are and slowly the number is dropping 1 by 1. People are becoming more secretive, unsupportive, stabbing each other in the back and so on. I have chosen not to be apart of that cycle. I am at a point where I dont feel I have real friends, I feel I have a lot of aquaintances. For years so called friends have used me as a shoulder to cry on, or for my contacts/networks, or just to be around someone positive that motivates them. I have even noticed some of my future plans which included some of my friends they have run off, taken the ideas and started businesses using these ideas, my 1st reaction was anger, then hurt but after really thinking about It I have to laugh. There is a lot of people that step all over each other to make it out on top, Its like a rat race! I am simply not one of those people. I am in no rush to achieve my major goals as I know a lot of hard work has to be put in to it and to achieve it a lot of research, studying, marketing etc has to be done. It takes time to build a succesful career for some people quicker than others and that is if they are brought up in to a very wealthy family, or they are at the right place at the right time!. that is not the case for me and I am a bit of a perfectionist so i like to make sure things are done properly. I am going to do what I know is right and be supportive of their careers, I wish them all the best and I hope they are happy. Some people may think I am crazy for doing this but in all honesty I can still use the original ideas, I am continuously getting more ideas and so I can put it all together and create something very succesful, something that I will love and feel very proud of. I really believe in myself and I feel I am going down the right route in life. I am not going to give up just because I have competition or because some people want to see me fail, this is my life and I control my life and I want the best in life and the best to me is happiness, love and success.

Once again: ASK, BELIEVE, RECIEVE!

x

Cry it all out

The past few days I have been feeling a bit alone within my thoughts and have found myself not wanting to be around people as much, Ive been quite reserved and Im actually liking this space. Its peaceful, calm and I feel free. Nobody to tell me what to do or people raining their negative issues and emotions on me or people arguing. But still something within me needs to come out, there is still a hidden emotion that needs to be realeased.

80% of me is happy and I know that seems like such a big percentage so I should accept this and move on but that 20% that is sad lies within my heart. I believe if the heart is 100% happy the rest does not really matter. I know my heart needs healing and more self love is needed but I also feel that will not help heal my heart as much. something needs to be realeased, emotions does. I need to cry out the hurt, once I have cried it all out I will have no need to cry anymore.

People make you feel if you cry when you are hurt, you are being weak, crying doesnt necessarily mean negative, sometimes when we cry its because we are filled with happiness or excitemement. Sometimes we cry out negative energy so that we can fully breathe in positive energy. It has nothing to do with being weak, crying is part of the healing process.

I know my heart needs healing and so I decided to find a film that has family values and a strong meaning,a film that would also bring this emotion out of me. I decided on the film 'my sisters keeper', now let me tel you that film made me cry, now looking back at it, if anybody had seen me they would have thought It was my family going through this issue. When the tears came from my eyes and would not stop I could feel my heart and mind feeling much lighter. When the tears stopped I felt a heavy dark shadow leave me and I began to meditate, say affirmations to bring in positive energy.

My heart is still going through the healing process and Im glad I let out all that emotion as I needed it. I am so used to holding in all my pain and hurt, it builds up and then eventually I come to breaking point. Im learning not to repeat this mistake as when I get to breaking point I disconnect from everything and everyone.

The next step to my healing process is being around the people that I know love and care about me. Laughing with them, smiling with them, talking with them, going out with them. And most importantly thanking and appreciating them as without them I would really be alone, I would be a lost soul.

x

The solar total eclipse

For those of you who do not know, today is the day where some of us will be able to see the solar total eclipse. Good things do come with the eclipse if you have a positive frame of mind and I have told my friends and family today we will have a small celebration as within the next 6 months is the time we really make sure we achieve all the goals we have set ourselves for this year.

If you do not really know what a solar eclipse means: It is seen from the Earth. A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon passes between the Sun and the Earth, and the Moon fully or partially covers the Sun as viewed from some locations on Earth. This can only happen during a new moon.

A lot of people including myself believe that a solar total eclipse means new beginnings. For some people big changes will happen in their life, here is what I did find when reading a magazine.

Leo: Its time to find fresh ways of exploring your spirituality

Virgo: Can expand their circle of friends and follow their dreams

Libra: Career opportunities should be looking up

Scorpio: Get a chance to change their lifestyle

Sagittarius: will gain a more meaningful love life

Capricorn: Will find ways to inject renewed energy into relationships

Aquarius: Will find health and fitness regimes will pay off

Piscies: See creative projects take flight

Aries: Can improve their home life

Tauraus: will be able to communicate their point of view better abd get what they want from life

Gemini: Can plan to attract financial gain

Cancer: Are set to transform their public and physical image

Some people may not believe in the power of the universe and what a new moon can do, I strongly believe and Im sure at the end of the year I will look back and feel that I have gained so much happiness and high achievement this year!

x