This month has been an emotional roller coaster for myself and I have not been able to achieve what I wanted to achieve on the outside which was an appearance makeover, what I have managed to achieve is an inside appearance makeover. To some this may not make sense and so I will explain.
Have you ever sat down and looked in the mirror and thought to yourself who am I? what am I here for? who am I meant to be? then the more you start to think more questions come to mind like who are my friends? what is the meaning of friends? and are these people really my friends? These are some of the questions I have been asking myself as I have hit a point in my life where I am trying to figure out what it is that I am searching for, what it is that I really want in my life.
I have changed so much in the last year, it is unbelievable! A lot of the interests I had many years ago I no longer have. I find myself branching out and trying new things, my problem is I do not have any friends who share these similar interests and so I am doing things alone. Sometimes its nice to experience things or talk to friends about these interests but how can you when they simply have no interest? I find myself outgrowing most of my friends, we hardly communicate with each other, we dont really see each other anymore, we live very different lifestyles now. Really paying attention to this has made me realise as hard as it is I need to let go of these people as they are no longer friends they have either become aquaintances or are now distant strangers.
I have been feeling recently like it is time to make new friends, friends who live a similar life style to me, friends who share the same interests, friends who possibly have the same career dreams and life goals as me. But the tricky part is where and how do I make friends like these? For years I have had visions of how my life would be and the type of friends I would have but in reality at this very moment in time my vision and my reality are very different. I find myself eager to find friends that I click with, people who I know I am meant to be around, people who really inspire me and make me enjoy life more.
Through my life friends have either let me down or hurt me in ways that a friend should never do. Some people take advantage of kindness, some take it to the extreme level and abuse your kindness. To me a friend is like family and family are there to love and support you not hurt and destroy you. I have learnt that I am always willing to help out a friend and be loving towards a friend but what I get in return is either half of that or nothing at all. The past few months I have really learnt who my real friends are and lets just say it is very limited! I can count my real friends on 1 hand. Its just like people say why is it the ones you care about the most are the ones who hurt you the most, well for me I feel because a) They may not share the same feelings as you or b) they know if they hurt you once and you forgive them they can do it again and you will forgive them again or c) its simply because you care about them so much. In my case when it comes to friendships it has always been all 3 a,b and c. Now that has to change! or I will forever be hurting within these type of friendships or I will be chopping and changing friends all the time.
I really need to work on putting my foot down and knowing when to say no! and enough is enough!. I am tired of being used and abused within my friendships, I really want to find real friends. Friends who are loving, supportive, funny, caring, positive minded, hardworking, up for trying new things and are not judgmental towards others.
I feel the next step for me is working on new friendships, trying out new activities, networking and meeting like minded people. As they say out with the old in with the new!
