Every day we learn

I have not written a blog in a while and I have neglected my personal diary which is not healthy as I have a lot on my mind and need to release it before I explode. There is a lot that I have learnt the past few weeks, some from good situations and some from bad situations. But 1 thing I have really accepted and learnt is that where there is a negative there is a positive. within a negative situation you can find a positive.

So here goes.........

Well to start off with I have not had a steady job in a while and this is not by choice!, It just happens that I get settled in to a company and due to the lack of funding they either close down or they have to let a lot of people go, unfortunately I am 1 of those people. It has been very hard for me as I am so used to getting a fair flow of income coming in and I have had to deal with minimum income. It has been a bit hard as there is a lot that I need/ want and to gain these things I really need a decent amount of money coming in. I am not going to complain as I have been able to survive this year, I have managed to buy some of the little things that I want and go to some places which will be memorable. Also I know there are people with no form of income coming through and they are really struggling. My heart goes out to them as it is not easy, but what I must say is that the small time I have worked within these companies I have really enjoyed myself! I have never been in a work field which I have enjoyed with a passion!. the work staff were great, clients were lovely, the job itself was fun and really enjoyable. This is all down to me stating to an agency I applied to what I want to do and what I amnot comfortable doing. I believe you should do a job you enjoy so that your stress levels are non existent.
The great thing that has come out of this is I am looking for a career change and have been applying for jobs within the fields I am interested in, I have had an interview with 1 place that I feel I will work well in so we shall see. hopefully I get it! If not I will keep applying to jobs of my interest as I know I will get 1 of them and who knows it could be the right one forme! :)

Moving on to LOVE, well what can I say I did not get the response I wanted from the guy I liked, in fact how we felt about each other was completely different. I am going to be honest and say yes it really hurt and I was really upset about it, I felt like I had been led on but funny enough I am not hurting anymore. I will remain being nice to him and class him still as a friend but I know from how he feels I will not be taken advantage of, Sometimes when you express your feelings to someone they feel they can play mind games with you as you are some what naive and vulnerable due to your strong feelings for them. Its almost like they feel if they say jump you will, I am strong enough to say NO! and this is what I have done, I have said NO! I want to be respected, appreciated and loved and I believe I deserve this. If we are not meant to be I have to release my feelings for him so that I am able to embrace love for my real soulmate who is out there and I believe getting closer to me. For now I think we are friends, I will always care about him and have love for him but thats how far it goes.

Friendships???, this has been a mind boggle for me as this year I have been learning who my friends are and slowly the number is dropping 1 by 1. People are becoming more secretive, unsupportive, stabbing each other in the back and so on. I have chosen not to be apart of that cycle. I am at a point where I dont feel I have real friends, I feel I have a lot of aquaintances. For years so called friends have used me as a shoulder to cry on, or for my contacts/networks, or just to be around someone positive that motivates them. I have even noticed some of my future plans which included some of my friends they have run off, taken the ideas and started businesses using these ideas, my 1st reaction was anger, then hurt but after really thinking about It I have to laugh. There is a lot of people that step all over each other to make it out on top, Its like a rat race! I am simply not one of those people. I am in no rush to achieve my major goals as I know a lot of hard work has to be put in to it and to achieve it a lot of research, studying, marketing etc has to be done. It takes time to build a succesful career for some people quicker than others and that is if they are brought up in to a very wealthy family, or they are at the right place at the right time!. that is not the case for me and I am a bit of a perfectionist so i like to make sure things are done properly. I am going to do what I know is right and be supportive of their careers, I wish them all the best and I hope they are happy. Some people may think I am crazy for doing this but in all honesty I can still use the original ideas, I am continuously getting more ideas and so I can put it all together and create something very succesful, something that I will love and feel very proud of. I really believe in myself and I feel I am going down the right route in life. I am not going to give up just because I have competition or because some people want to see me fail, this is my life and I control my life and I want the best in life and the best to me is happiness, love and success.

Once again: ASK, BELIEVE, RECIEVE!

x

Cry it all out

The past few days I have been feeling a bit alone within my thoughts and have found myself not wanting to be around people as much, Ive been quite reserved and Im actually liking this space. Its peaceful, calm and I feel free. Nobody to tell me what to do or people raining their negative issues and emotions on me or people arguing. But still something within me needs to come out, there is still a hidden emotion that needs to be realeased.

80% of me is happy and I know that seems like such a big percentage so I should accept this and move on but that 20% that is sad lies within my heart. I believe if the heart is 100% happy the rest does not really matter. I know my heart needs healing and more self love is needed but I also feel that will not help heal my heart as much. something needs to be realeased, emotions does. I need to cry out the hurt, once I have cried it all out I will have no need to cry anymore.

People make you feel if you cry when you are hurt, you are being weak, crying doesnt necessarily mean negative, sometimes when we cry its because we are filled with happiness or excitemement. Sometimes we cry out negative energy so that we can fully breathe in positive energy. It has nothing to do with being weak, crying is part of the healing process.

I know my heart needs healing and so I decided to find a film that has family values and a strong meaning,a film that would also bring this emotion out of me. I decided on the film 'my sisters keeper', now let me tel you that film made me cry, now looking back at it, if anybody had seen me they would have thought It was my family going through this issue. When the tears came from my eyes and would not stop I could feel my heart and mind feeling much lighter. When the tears stopped I felt a heavy dark shadow leave me and I began to meditate, say affirmations to bring in positive energy.

My heart is still going through the healing process and Im glad I let out all that emotion as I needed it. I am so used to holding in all my pain and hurt, it builds up and then eventually I come to breaking point. Im learning not to repeat this mistake as when I get to breaking point I disconnect from everything and everyone.

The next step to my healing process is being around the people that I know love and care about me. Laughing with them, smiling with them, talking with them, going out with them. And most importantly thanking and appreciating them as without them I would really be alone, I would be a lost soul.

x

The solar total eclipse

For those of you who do not know, today is the day where some of us will be able to see the solar total eclipse. Good things do come with the eclipse if you have a positive frame of mind and I have told my friends and family today we will have a small celebration as within the next 6 months is the time we really make sure we achieve all the goals we have set ourselves for this year.

If you do not really know what a solar eclipse means: It is seen from the Earth. A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon passes between the Sun and the Earth, and the Moon fully or partially covers the Sun as viewed from some locations on Earth. This can only happen during a new moon.

A lot of people including myself believe that a solar total eclipse means new beginnings. For some people big changes will happen in their life, here is what I did find when reading a magazine.

Leo: Its time to find fresh ways of exploring your spirituality

Virgo: Can expand their circle of friends and follow their dreams

Libra: Career opportunities should be looking up

Scorpio: Get a chance to change their lifestyle

Sagittarius: will gain a more meaningful love life

Capricorn: Will find ways to inject renewed energy into relationships

Aquarius: Will find health and fitness regimes will pay off

Piscies: See creative projects take flight

Aries: Can improve their home life

Tauraus: will be able to communicate their point of view better abd get what they want from life

Gemini: Can plan to attract financial gain

Cancer: Are set to transform their public and physical image

Some people may not believe in the power of the universe and what a new moon can do, I strongly believe and Im sure at the end of the year I will look back and feel that I have gained so much happiness and high achievement this year!

x

Healing a broken heart

Well what can I say?...........the title says a lot really.

Its only the beginning of the week and I feel like the days are never ending. I have been in my own world, not really communicating with people and I am really reflecting on the past few months. At this very moment I am still a bit confused, angry and very hurt!.

this is my situation, the past 2 weeks have been full of fun and laughter, Ive been attending parties, bbqs, going out to dinners and I even treated myself to a shopping spree which I havent done in about 2 years! The feeling was amazing, I am loving all my new clothing/shoes and can not wait to wear it out. The time I have had with friends and family has been wonderful. My family have been bringing me good news on their life progressions and I am so proud of them. Its so good to see the ones you love shining and really making a positie change in this world, it is so inspiring. The time I have had with old friends and new friends has been fun also, we have been catching up with each other on our lives and what steps we want to take next and how we can possibly help each other. The support really filled my heart! until the weekend just gone...........

The saturday was very nice, I had fun at a christening although I was very very tired. I have been feeling quite weak recently and I believe that is because I am more active than I used to be a few months ago. All this on the go is definately making my body feel drained and that is simply because my body is not used to it. So on sunday I tried to rest but I ended up going out to lunch which I shall not complain about because it was a lovely lunch and it was lovely to reconnect with an old friend who has always supported me. After this lunch I decided to take a big step in my life and find out/face the truth within something.

So Im sure you remember some time back I told a certain guy how I felt about him? and he never gave me a proper response? well I thought it was time to hear his response, how he felt and what he sees within me. To my suprise it was not what I expected at all! what I was told left me shocked, hurt and to be honest not happy at all. To be straight forward I basically got rejected.

When I had expressed my feelings some time back he didnt really take it seriously although I did mention those were my true feelings and it was so hard for me to pick up the courage and express it. We were both on 2 completely different pages and how we see each other is different. I felt how I was being looked at was wrong and was not me as a person. I felt through that small conversation we had bit by bit I was being knocked down and I was seeing more and more how I was not really appreciated, there was no love or care, it was like it had all gone or maybe on 1 side it was never there?. I had been led on, he may or may not have realised this is what he was doing but that is what was happening.

All of a sudden some how things were being turned on me but for once in my life I said in my mind NO! NO! NO! NO! I know for a fact this time I have done no wrong, I have never tried to hurt him and I will never do that, not tommorrow, not next next month and certainly not in years to come. I am not that kind of a person. What people may say I done wrong is that I cared, I showed love and I showed affection to someone who clearly didnt have or share these feelings with me. but to be honest this is just the person that I am, some people will accept and appreciate that love to the point they show love back and some people well they just dont care. Im not going to call him bad names, I do not hate or dislike him because at 1 point in my life he was a good friend. If he will still remain a friend I do not know and Im not trying to think about it at the moment as my heart is honestly still hurting.

I came off the phone almost feeling crushed and feeling almost stupid. I never went out on dates or flirted with any other men no matter how much people tried to push me to do this. When people had negative things to say about him I ignored as what I had seen within him was the opposite and I like to learn about a person myself. Ive always been the type of person where If I meet someone I am intersted in and want to learn more about them I do that, I do not date or give out my number to other guys as I try to focus on the one that I am interested in, learn about them as a person. I have also found it to be more respectful towards that person but maybe this is what 1 of the problems is for myself.

Because I was feeling so low I had 3 people 2 of them being really close to me really trying to comfort me and I am grateful to have people in my life like that who do care about me. Knowing that I have people who really care about me is the 1st step to my healing process, I know it will take me some time to get back to that happy place I was in a few days ago but I believe I will get there. This will definately teach me a valuable and vital lesson!

Although I feel hurt that does not mean I will give up on love, I will keep spreading and sharing love every day of my life! I know that 1 day I will find true love, I am not giving up on love and to the one that hurt me I still have love for him regardless of what has happened I just know that he is not the one to recieve all of my love.

My friend did manage to send me some valid points that will help me and Im sure many single women when they feel they have met someone they are interested in really sit and think is he really the one:

1. He is hardworking
2. Values your purity so much that he is willing to put his selfish needs aside and grow with you
3. You are able to see that you are an important part of his life, he has made you part of him and you can see this without him having to tell you
4. he shares common interest with you, he is interested in seeing you go forward and pays interest in whatever you do
5. he is not ashamed to go out with you holding hands, showing you off. You can feel he is proud of you and is honoured to have you by his side
6. he confides in you befor making big choices, there is no me or I just us


Think about it ladies

x