Who am I?

"I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing" Mae West

There was a time I would work extremely hard building a portfolio of pictures pursuing to be a model. At a young age I looked at women like Iman, Cindy Crawford and Grace Jones, I was amazed at their beauty, their physiques and how every outfit they wore looked amazing. I would pay close attention to their poses and try to imitate them. Its so funny how the media really penetrates the mind with an image that is so false, you cant help but look at these women and feel you need to look like them to be beautiful or to be successful. They tell us how we should do our hair, what beauty proucts we should use, what diets we should go on, clothes we shoud be wearing. Its all madness!

I had grown a passion to become a succesful model as I loved the fact that I would have the same face that people would recognise but my character would change in every picture, I would do this through poses, facial expressions. My work would show how diverse and versatile I can be, now I look at it and ask myself what was I working so hard for? who really paid attention to my work? how far did my work actually get me?

I was not signed to an agency, In fact I got rejected a few times, some never replied back and the ones that wanted to sign me wanted me to be more SEXY and go down the glamour/lingerie route. I always got the same answers " your not tall enough", "your not dark enough", " your not light enough", "your a bit bottom heavy" " your not showing enough of your body, you need to learn to be sexy" now looking back at these comments I have to laugh to myself. I was not aware that you had to have a certain colour of skin to be a model, I was not aware that you had to be 6 feet tall and that a size 8 was considered over weight in the fashion world.

Strangely enough I did work on a few amazing projects through the last 2 years where I was classed as a model and even got paid a decent amount for the job. But can I really call myself a model? no, I was actually an aspiring model. Did I achieve my goal of becoming a succesful model? no, modelling didnt seem to be a strong factor for me. Do I feel I failed because of this? no, simply because I do not feel I should have to punish myself to look a certain way or stress myself to be something I am truly not. Although I did get paid work and the work was enjoyable, I never was a model and I can accept that now. It was fun while it lasted but it was also more of a hassle and stress, my life is not based on competition, competing with other young women just to be a model.

"Truth is I was never a model, I was a young woman who had their picture taken and got paid for it"

Do I feel bad about this?! no! Im actually glad I realised this now, now I can really look for what it is that I am truly destined to do and be. I can finally take time to enjoy my journey and the opportunities that will arise for me. I like the size I am, I like the way I look I am not stunning with perfect skin but I know for a fact I am a beautiful woman on the inside and out. I enjoy my food and refuse to starve myself or go on diets to be slim. Will I get upset If I gain weight? errrr no! I would love to have curves and more meat on my body thats the great thing about being a woman. What you see in the magazines and on tv is not real, its a false image of what these people actually want to be! take of all the make up, strip of their clothes, sack their teams that help them with their jobs and looks and you will find they are like the average person, they are just like you and me. So in my eyes I am a real woman a woman they are pretending to be

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