The past few days I had been feeling a little down, a little frustrated and a bit angry at myself. When I set myself a goal, I work extremely hard to achieve it!, this year I have set myself goals and I am finding some of them very hard to achieve. From this I become very frustrated and start to really get angry with myself, I feel I am becoming too much of a perfectionist and so If things do not go to plan I start to panic, then from panic leads to frustration, then from frustration Im not happy with myself. I really beat myself down when things do not go the way they should.
Ive also found myself feeling rather irritated and I have to control myself from snapping at people. It's not so much people irritating me, its my own self, my thoughts and feelings. I feel my career getting very close to me but yet its a distance away. Its like having a floating clear ball right before your eyes and you try to take it, but everytime you try to grab it, it moves backwards away from you. This is very frustrating in itself but when you have people that are looking at you and competing with you, that is very very frustrating. I am not one to compete with people, I am supportive of others and feel proud of the work that I have done. So I never quite understand why some people would look at me as competition, competition for what?, my life is not based on a race, I live everyday as it comes. I never usually let things like this get to me but then negatives thoughts will kick in which causes me to become irritated and I have to really erase these thoughts from my mind as I know negativity will bring my energy levels down.
to add to my irritation, I kind of let myself down for one that I really care about. My arms and heart are open to this person but I am still unaware/not sure if the same thing applies to me. Remember a few blogs back I told you I had picked up the courage to tell someone how I felt about them? but they never really answered? especially in the way I would have liked them too......well now were in the month of june and there is still a question mark on that, does this mean rejection? does it mean their not ready? does it mean their thinking about it? what does a blank statement mean?. I still find myself being loving and caring towards this person because these are the feelings that I have for them but could I be doing this all in vain?
with all this playing on my mind, yesterday when I got home I decided I really needed to clear my mind and what better way to do it than listen to some mellow inspiring soul music. While listening to the music I danced around my room singing along to the songs, my mind eventually felt a lot lighter and I felt happier, more relaxed and at peace. I was able to have a peaceful yet short sleep. This morning I woke up suddenly around 4.15 am, I was wide awake and felt amazing. I really believe I was touched by angel, a voice told me to keep smiling, let go of all fear and doubt, everything is going to be okay. Enjoy the days of my life and wonderful things will come to me, I should hold on to love, believe and have faith in everything I aspire to be and do then watch things unfold, great things are going to happen for me but I need to remain having faith, do not give up.
Some people may think Im crazy and made this up myself but to be honest It doesnt really matter what they think or say! This is what actually happened early this morning, Im amazed by it and it is a precious moment in my life which I will never forget, the experience really opened my eyes, the 1st thing I done was said my daily affirmations and meditated to some tranquil ocean music, my heart began to feel warmer and warmer and I could feel a rush of energy and happiness that now I cant stop smiling. After this I went down made myself a nice breakfast, and immediatey a song came to mind which I played out loud! the song was Goapele 'closer', it will be my song for the month. Im now ready to do an hour workout and then I am going to take a long walk in the park which I never really do. Something keeps telling me to make sure I go for a walk whether it rains or not.
I believe my prayers are being answered and I feel very blessed
x
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