Well what can I say?...........the title says a lot really.
Its only the beginning of the week and I feel like the days are never ending. I have been in my own world, not really communicating with people and I am really reflecting on the past few months. At this very moment I am still a bit confused, angry and very hurt!.
this is my situation, the past 2 weeks have been full of fun and laughter, Ive been attending parties, bbqs, going out to dinners and I even treated myself to a shopping spree which I havent done in about 2 years! The feeling was amazing, I am loving all my new clothing/shoes and can not wait to wear it out. The time I have had with friends and family has been wonderful. My family have been bringing me good news on their life progressions and I am so proud of them. Its so good to see the ones you love shining and really making a positie change in this world, it is so inspiring. The time I have had with old friends and new friends has been fun also, we have been catching up with each other on our lives and what steps we want to take next and how we can possibly help each other. The support really filled my heart! until the weekend just gone...........
The saturday was very nice, I had fun at a christening although I was very very tired. I have been feeling quite weak recently and I believe that is because I am more active than I used to be a few months ago. All this on the go is definately making my body feel drained and that is simply because my body is not used to it. So on sunday I tried to rest but I ended up going out to lunch which I shall not complain about because it was a lovely lunch and it was lovely to reconnect with an old friend who has always supported me. After this lunch I decided to take a big step in my life and find out/face the truth within something.
So Im sure you remember some time back I told a certain guy how I felt about him? and he never gave me a proper response? well I thought it was time to hear his response, how he felt and what he sees within me. To my suprise it was not what I expected at all! what I was told left me shocked, hurt and to be honest not happy at all. To be straight forward I basically got rejected.
When I had expressed my feelings some time back he didnt really take it seriously although I did mention those were my true feelings and it was so hard for me to pick up the courage and express it. We were both on 2 completely different pages and how we see each other is different. I felt how I was being looked at was wrong and was not me as a person. I felt through that small conversation we had bit by bit I was being knocked down and I was seeing more and more how I was not really appreciated, there was no love or care, it was like it had all gone or maybe on 1 side it was never there?. I had been led on, he may or may not have realised this is what he was doing but that is what was happening.
All of a sudden some how things were being turned on me but for once in my life I said in my mind NO! NO! NO! NO! I know for a fact this time I have done no wrong, I have never tried to hurt him and I will never do that, not tommorrow, not next next month and certainly not in years to come. I am not that kind of a person. What people may say I done wrong is that I cared, I showed love and I showed affection to someone who clearly didnt have or share these feelings with me. but to be honest this is just the person that I am, some people will accept and appreciate that love to the point they show love back and some people well they just dont care. Im not going to call him bad names, I do not hate or dislike him because at 1 point in my life he was a good friend. If he will still remain a friend I do not know and Im not trying to think about it at the moment as my heart is honestly still hurting.
I came off the phone almost feeling crushed and feeling almost stupid. I never went out on dates or flirted with any other men no matter how much people tried to push me to do this. When people had negative things to say about him I ignored as what I had seen within him was the opposite and I like to learn about a person myself. Ive always been the type of person where If I meet someone I am intersted in and want to learn more about them I do that, I do not date or give out my number to other guys as I try to focus on the one that I am interested in, learn about them as a person. I have also found it to be more respectful towards that person but maybe this is what 1 of the problems is for myself.
Because I was feeling so low I had 3 people 2 of them being really close to me really trying to comfort me and I am grateful to have people in my life like that who do care about me. Knowing that I have people who really care about me is the 1st step to my healing process, I know it will take me some time to get back to that happy place I was in a few days ago but I believe I will get there. This will definately teach me a valuable and vital lesson!
Although I feel hurt that does not mean I will give up on love, I will keep spreading and sharing love every day of my life! I know that 1 day I will find true love, I am not giving up on love and to the one that hurt me I still have love for him regardless of what has happened I just know that he is not the one to recieve all of my love.
My friend did manage to send me some valid points that will help me and Im sure many single women when they feel they have met someone they are interested in really sit and think is he really the one:
1. He is hardworking
2. Values your purity so much that he is willing to put his selfish needs aside and grow with you
3. You are able to see that you are an important part of his life, he has made you part of him and you can see this without him having to tell you
4. he shares common interest with you, he is interested in seeing you go forward and pays interest in whatever you do
5. he is not ashamed to go out with you holding hands, showing you off. You can feel he is proud of you and is honoured to have you by his side
6. he confides in you befor making big choices, there is no me or I just us
Think about it ladies
x
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